A letter to my Crush

Hi there,

Do you remember me? I have been following your journey for a long time. I asked you to hang out with me last week while letting you know how much I admire you, and what your presence meant to me and how I would be grateful I would be if you could give me some of your time over coffee and how you blatantly rejected me on my face while making fun of me in front of your friends shouting,” How audacious of me to think I can hang out with you looking like the way I do, dressed so plainly without makeup while not being updated about the current trending Netflix series and how it seems like I live under a rock. How poor of me to wear the same bland clothes almost every day. How I don’t match your standards. “. and man those words stung.

So, here is a letter to you about my side of the story. I hope it gives you insights about how I work and why I don’t care about the popular opinion and why I live the way I do.

Why did I even admire you in the first place?

According to me, there comes a time in your life when you are confused about yourself and trying to find a way out of your inner demons and fights and in that dark time you suddenly spot a face which provides peace to your already tormented mind giving you a healthy distraction from your current mental state. Sometimes when you look at someone and just seeing them alive, moving, breathing, talking, smiling is palliative medicine for you.

Trust me its a heavenly experience. So, thanks for contributing to the peace of my mind. Your presence helped me get my lost self back from the world. When I first saw you, I was not very hopeful about the world. I was burned out. Fighting the battle of being different in the world where everyone wanted to merge the resistance wears you out sometimes.

You helped me regenerate and set me along my path again. Thanks for being honest with me and letting me know what you exactly want and care about, thank you for tolerating my uninvited stares and uninitiated conversations. I wish you find peace in your life.

Why I can’t be that girl you want to hang out with?

I am not sorry, that I don’t act like regular girls of this Instagram generation. I can’t be like be cool with blindly following the latest trends, doing things I don’t believe in to look cool to feel belonged ad liked by a group of popular people.

I have internalized my own set of rules and regulations and I try to work and live according to my principles. It must be hard to believe but I genuinely care about people and I can’t help it. I can’t see a person in misery and not help if I have the capacity to contribute towards his betterment. I was born that way, empathetic always caring about people and their problems more than I care about the current trends or hip thing to do.

I do care a lot about certain values which are very close to me and being fair is one of them which can make me look objective, headstrong and even not likeable at times because I am impartial and it doesn’t help your motives.

I value justice and I know the importance of kindness and empathy. So, for me, it’s very important to understand the other person’s point of view before judging their actions.

I love every opportunity to help in alleviating people’s pain and I love people who have original ideas and I like seeing them grow so, I do try to provide all the support they need in the form of guidance, time, efforts, money whatever I can.

I love the concept of humanity. The way we as humans thrive and survive and the way everyone has their own story and how they have gone through so much and managed to reach the place they currently are at present. I love to hear their stories, I am insanely curious, and I love creating my own stories and experiences.

Doing something just because everyone else is doing it is not a good enough reason for me to do that too. No, I like paving my way and questioning the status quo. I can’t take the things on face value of it.

If there is something I deem worthy to be done, I will not hesitate to stand on my own all alone for it even though the entire world is ignorant about the issue and does not give a damn.

So, sorry my dear friend that I don’t get time to watch Netflix series and follow those ever-changing trends and not being mean to people just because its cool to do it. Or making fun of people because of their preferences. I am sorry I don’t get any fun or satisfaction from discriminating people based on their race, religion, sexuality and their families financial condition.

I am sorry for helping the people I could and being kind to them when I could have just turned a blind eye and went for that hip party instead. I am sorry that I can’t be the girl you might have liked to be associated with.

Well, I am glad I came across you and our paths met and I got to know what I am and what I stand for, you helped me get up from the hopelessness I was in when I first saw you. You made the world bright again when I was confused about my being an individual and not following the crowd.

Your presence has been a floater that helped me survive and float when I was drowning in self-doubt and for that, I am grateful. Thank you for everything you did to me and everything you said to me. Thank you for making fun of how I dress and how I am not updated about the current trends, how idiotic I am to waste my time in helping people who will not benefit me in any way.

It was nice meeting you and I wish you have a great life ahead :)

Regards,

Seema Beniwal